This article, from Ken Sande of Peacemaker Ministries, is very powerful. The Bible instructs us to deal with heart issues, and not just bandaid surface problems. This article contains the best teaching I have read on how to spot and deal with those heart issues.
http://www.peacemaker.net/site/c.aqKFLTOBIpH/b.1172255/apps/s/content.asp?ct=1460037
‘What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.’
This passage describes the root cause of destructive conflict: Conflicts arise from unmet desires in our hearts. When we feel we cannot be satisfied unless we have something we want or think we need, the desire turns into a demand. If someone fails to meet that desire, we condemn him in our heart and quarrel and fight to get our way. In short, conflict arises when desires grow into demands and we judge and punish those who get in our way. Let us look at this progression one step at a time.”
He then goes on to show the progressions of the hearts desires into idols that create conflicts. I highly recommend that you read the rest of the article, it is well worth the time. It changed how I view conflict and my heart.
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